Important dates and progression this time around…

*** 2006 ***

2006.Spring: Came out to therapist
2006.Summer: Started getting suicidally depressed; feel totally trapped; nightly fighting to not O.D. on sleeping pills
2006.11.??: Started coming out one-on-one to online friends.
2006.11.??: Started practicing female voice… just because I needed something to focus on.

*** 2007 ***

March 2007
2007.03.??: Started cutting myself, which really scared me.

April 2007
2007.04.??: Broke down and told Rose I “couldn’t do it anymore.”

May 2007
2007.05.20: Went full-time as Jennifer online in my forum mod position (where a few hundred people knew me).
2007.05.20: Started personal blog.
2007.05.22: Started laser facial hair removal
2007.05.31: Ordered voice DVD training kit from Andrea James

June 2007
2007.06.02: Attended first Harrisburg support meeting, as a guy. (Didn’t go back for almost another years, for many reasons)
2007.06.27: First “share-worthy” voice recording

July 2007
2007.07.16: Bought first clothes (online) off eBay, just for sizing
2007.07.25: Came out to two youngest kids (ages 11 and 9)
2007.07.31: Consult with electrologist

August 2007
2007.08.01: Started electrolysis (to remove white hairs)
2007.08.01: Came out to eldest child (age 12)
2007.08.05: Made decision to quit worship team/church
2007.08.15: Finally came to terms with God over my gender issues (no more shame)
2007.08.19: Last Sunday at old church
2007.08.29: Started with new therapist

September 2007
2007.09.07: Shaved legs/body hair
2007.09.08: Joined local gym to lose weight
2007.09.18: Scheduled appointment with Hershey med endocrinologist
2007.09.20: Talked to Human Resources rep at work

November 2007
2007.11.01: Saw endo at Hershey Med; directed to Hopkins for a hormone plan.
2007.11.27: Tried to quit Wellbutrin, failed.
2007.11.29: 39th birthday
2007.11.30: Came out to married couple at old church, they were sympathetic and supportive.

December 2007
2007.12.01: Joined more online transupport forums.
2007.12.03: Came out to another church friend, who was very supportive.
2007.12.07: Hopkins consultation; didn’t get what I wanted, the day was HORRID, but it also made me take ownership of my transition; got endo contact name
2007.12.11: Got excellent performance review at work; put up for promotion
2007.12.17: Talked to Rose about ordering hormones online (spiro)
2007.12.20: Ordered spiro online

*** 2008 ****

January 2008
2008.01.02: Started spironolactone (200 mg)
2008.01.05: Rose won’t/can’t sleep with me anymore; we alternate on the sofa
2008.01.20: Rose brought up the topic of separation.
2008.01.21: Noticed obvious skin changes
2008.01.27: Practiced makeup for the first time.
2008.01.28: Electrolysis actually hurt for the first time.

February 2008
2008.02.04: Younger son’s first appt with therapist.
2008.02.14: Last Valentines Day? Sigh.
2008.02.15: Received the promotion/raise at work.
2008.02.17: Rose told her parents (her choice to do it alone)
2008.02.23: Came out to sister via letter

March 2008
2008.03.09: Saw my sister; came out to my parents, who initially seemed supportive
2008.03.10: Parents totally flip (Mom = devastated, Dad = vindictive and abusive)
2008.03.13: Started apartment search.
2008.03.14: Hair Direct (local hair system place) wrote back, said they’d take me for a consult.
2008.03.14: Got my own cell phone and calling plan, to go off my in-laws plan.
2008.03.17: Saw four apartments; Rose called lawyer.
2008.03.18: Lease approved, take ownership on Friday; last electrolysis with original electrologist
2008.03.19: Told boss I was separating from my wife (to explain any performance downgrade — I was emotionally preoccupied)
2008.03.21: Got key to apartment.
2008.03.21: Rose told her brother and his family.
2008.03.23: Easter with parents; while Mom loves me, she has religious judgment for my choice; Dad was a monster and verbally abused me for a long while, somehow I took it gracefully
2008.03.25: Start part-time job search
2008.03.27: Told kids about the impending move.
2008.03.29: First night in apartment.

April 2008
2008.04.01: Saw endocrinologist (Baltimore); took blood & urine samples.
2008.04.02: Posted first pics of me online
2008.04.05: Met in-laws for lunch to discuss things; they are not antagonistic but will only support me as a man back in the house
2008.04.09: Contacted local support group
2008.04.14: Got prescriptions from endo (200mg/day spiro, 4mg/day estradiol)
2008.04.15: Asked HR to start exploring legal ramifications of workplace transition.
2008.04.19: Saw parents at the house, Dad’s still very cold.
2008.04.23: Meds arrived at house, wife had meltdown; kids love me but are having trouble; took first estradiol tonight (2mg).
2008.04.25: Another personal turning point: Consciously decided to give up trying to control people’s responses
2008.04.25: Opened private bank account at Commerce today.
2008.04.28: Exhausted from maintaining the male charade, feel self slipping more and more into “Jen” mode, more difficulty in playing both roles

May 2008
2008.05.01: Started with new electrolygist
2008.05.02: Received credit card in Jennifer’s name
2008.05.03: First support group meeting as Jen, first night out in the city as Jen, first time using new credit card (everything ROCKED!!!)
2008.05.05: Uncle-in-law offered to pay my way to Exodus International (ex-gay ministry); kindly refused.
2008.05.07: Wife clarified that “separation” meant not being at the house as much — liberating, yet bittersweet
2008.05.11: Went shopping for girl clothes (in guy mode) at discount with J, first time ever.
2008.05.25: Attended annual Arts Fest along river, was NOT DEPRESSED THIS YEAR FOR FIRST TIME EVER, woo-hoo!

June 2008
2008.06.07: Support meeting; ate out in the city, did meeting, then to club with gals before getting home LATE.
2008.06.10: Heart-to-heart with Rose about religion
2008.06.13: Human Resources sent me a note; they will slap down any discrimination against me, it’s illegal.
2008.06.14: Big date with friend all over town (dinner, club, jazz bar at the Hilton) — everyone accepted me, even in the bathrooms!
2008.06.15: Took kids out to park for Father’s Day; wife stayed home
2008.06.16: Doc doubled my estrogen to 8mg
2008.06.16: Spent whole day as Jennifer: Drove to endo appt; shopped at Towson Mall with friends; ate out in Harrisburg
2008.06.17: Depressed; my dad still thinks I’m a loser; got badly drunk
2008.06.18: Got over it.
2008.06.19: Shrink approved my going off Wellbutrin — A.D. free!
2008.06.21: Annual company picnic at Knoebel’s amusement park, NOT DEPRESSED (first time ever)
2008.06.22: J (coworker) met me as Jen for first time, at her house
2008.06.25: Long talk with Human Resources; the rep(s) are professionally and personally supportive of me.
2008.06.25: Got my first really blatant “ma’am.”
2008.06.27: Went shopping alone as Jen (first time ever); Rose now knows I’m out as Jen, more things to work through with her

July 2008
2008.07.01: Human Resources saw pic of me, said my getting read in the city was a non-issue
2008.07.02: Best friend stopped by and reaffirmed friendship
2008.07.04: Went to a non-trans picnic as a woman, they knew but accepted me anyway, despite it being a little awkward
2008.07.26: Harrisburg PRIDE — did the march, ran the booth for two hours, met lots of new people.
2008.07.29: Ended my 3500+ postcount blog
2008.07.29: Parents legally disowned me via Certified Letter. Blind-sided, totally. Do not pass go, do not collect inheritance, EPIC FAIL. (At least my kids get the money, but… this emotionally screws me up for most of August.)
2008.07.30: Talked to best friend for two hours, he stuck up for me

August 2008
2008.08.02: Mom actually CALLED and WROTE me to somehow alleviate her stress over disowning me; I was furious and drew hard boundaries for the first time in my life. Dinner, meeting, club with support group.
2008.08.03: First grocery trip alone as Jen (to Wegmen’s), it was crowded. *eeep*
2008.08.08: 16th wedding anniversary, talked to my wife until midnight; bittersweet; we both love each other.
2008.08.09: Saw family off on their vacation to my sister’s house (I wasn’t asked to come), started on MINE… as Jen to friends in MD.
2008.08.10: Fundies at Montgomery County Fair proselytize me to vote against trans rights (DOH — they didn’t realize I was trans, I guess that’s good!)
2008.08.11: Consult with Hair Direct; got right ear pierced (left ear’s been pierced since 1995)
2008.08.16: Mt. Gretna ArtsFest, restaurant, Wal-Mart; got ma’amed wherever I went.
2008.08.18: Got hit on by 2 different guys while out (weird).
2008.08.19: Full-timers tell me I’m ready for full-time in Fall 2008 if I want (eep!)
2008.08.20: Seriously started preparation/research for full-time; invited to mod staff at SafeHaven.
2008.08.22: Left work early to see new therapist as Jen (first time).
2008.08.31: Went to church (MCC) for the first time since August 2008. So glad I went.
2008.08.31: Out to Kipona and fireworks as Jen — Hooray, this was a long-standing goal of mine!

September 2008
2008.09.02: Long talk with wife, even touched on full-time issues, divorce, feelings, going to church again, names when I go FT, her stance/take, etc. I wish we could come to terms; we relate very well, but there will be no reconciliation.
2008.09.11: First appt with new health service provider — GP and endo rolled into one!
2008.09.15: First time seeing original therapist as Jen
2008.09.26: Wife’s bday (sniff), she wants to be alone with kids; driving to Gaithersburg to stay with friends; might have found a new apartment
2008.09.27: Wash DC to see online friends (where I mod); Book Fair; National Gallery; and Bar Louie’s.

October 2008
2008.10.03: Took Mom to doctor; reconciled; she even saw pics! // Got the keys to my new apartment with new roomie.
2008.10.11: Good all-day date with my little girl, noticed a BIG change (positive) in our relationship
2008.10.12: Moved into my new apartment, unpacked; rough exhausting day.
2008.10.14: Stopped to see M & L from my old church — SO supportive
2008.10.22: Met first high-school steady for dinner, as we reunited when I came out on Classmates (funny world!)
2008.10.23: Came out on Facebook, another step is taken
2008.10.27: Started attending Bible study (sporadically)
2008.10.28: Hair came in; hated it, sent it back for another go

November 2008
2008.11.01: Dinner and meeting w/ support group in costume; left club very early, depressed

2008.11.04: YAY Obama! // BOO California!

2008.11.19: Saw Donna Rose talk at Towson U, corresponded with her

2008.11.27: Thanksgiving with family and friends (not as Jen, but still with accepting people)

2008.11.29: 40th birthday, went out with best friend who stayed overnight; GREAT birthday

December 2008
2008.12.01: Joined Jenny Boylan’s site

2008.12.05: Support group Christmas dinner; black dress affair!

2008.12.06: Parents take me to lunch; Dad seems willing to engage (conversation and hug?! Wowzie)

2008.12.07: Pip goes to hospital for impacted bowel (takes a few days), reacquainted with my MIL over this time

2008.12.08: Mom reverts to old stance, sigh, quotes me Romans 1:15-32; I draw hard lines again.

2008.12.12: Got good performance review from boss

2008.12.14: next to Last visit to old church? (to see daughter perform)

2008.12.17: Filed Name Change papers (“Jennifer Sarah”) in the morning; talked to boss in the afternoon (everything went well), wow; went for drinks with P and C to celebrate!

2008.12.18: Organizational Meeting for local support group for upcoming year and for the planned March conference.

2008.12.20: Mom gets weird, after visiting my aunt, and even gets snarky; I reply with the hints of the hard line I’ll have to draw in Feb in regards to my “name”; it sucks.

2008.12.21: Sis-initiated phone conversation, she (like Mom) won’t negotiate and insists she will call me a boy’s name, despite understanding how it impacts our relationship; we might not be able to come to terms by Feb

2008.12.22: Card from aunt on Mom’s side, using my dad’s name (not mine) on the envelope, she always had my name right before — is the entire evangelical church insane?

2008.12.23: Got a package from my best friend for “Jennifer” and a xmas card for “Jenny” from a couple in my old church; affirmation is nice; bought a webcam cheap, it works, will get one for my kids too I think; boss called me in to talk about any transition needs BEFORE holidays; saw that Focus now has a section out to fight against transgenderism, woo-hoo… sigh.

2008.12.24: Last visit to old church (probably, for quite some time if ever) — xmas eve service. Many people were happy to see me; others seemed to purposefully ignore me.

2008.12.25: Christmas with the kids all day, great time — best xmas ever, for me, despite it being sedate; last xmas with me as D.

2008.12.26: Christmas with Rose and kids, sis and BiL, and parents — underlying tension but both sides attempting to reach out; last time with me as D?

2008.12.27: Friends from SafeHaven (Erie and Buffalo) drove down to spend the night, woo-hoo! (first time I met them in person)

2008.12.28: Friends went home in late afternoon; high school get-together at pub (3 other high school friends there + husbands and guests), so that was my first official hs gathering! (Note: Why does everyone think I’m my SISTER???)

2008.12.30: Gwen came out.  *smile* Took her to therapy session with me, ate dinner over at J’s with two other couples, very cool night!

2008.12.31: Rose heard Jen’s voice (sigh, stupid on my part!); New Years’ Eve with friends out at Soba, it was perfect, so happy finally even while wishing I was with the kids.

*** 2009 ***

January 2009
2009.01.01: Day spent with kids, 4-5 hour talk with Rose about the State of Things

2009.01.02: Good talk with D at breakfast; doc appt for shoulder, weighed 214 dammit and need to start exercising and eating less again.

2009.01.03: XMAS with in-laws; support group dinner and meeting (which I helped run a bit)

2009.01.05: Assembled and put up bathroom medicine chest, hung bedroom mirror, and other apartment-y stuff

2009.01.07: MRI for right shoulder; got my new hair (woo-hoo!)

2009.01.08: Got assigned my name-change court date (woo-hoo!); it’s April 29 (boo-hoo!)

2009.01.09: Intense talk with Rose, where she apologized (unsolicited) for what I’ve been through and for not being able to be there for me and not having my family supporting me. The tone of our conversation has changed radically since.

2009.01.10: Borrowed van from Rose; bought furnitue with roomie (our first sofa!); felt confident and comfortable around all sorts of people (the hair really really helps), got hit on by guys and admired by women… what a weird life, I’m happy to be me. // got another “You’re sinning” letter from the assc pastor at Mom’s church, a man who knew me in the early 90’s, gaaaa // Went out to coffeehouse w/ friend, was totally accepted as female in intimate conversations with other women, wow! Time to let go of the neurosis

2009.01.11: Finally got back to church, after missing for almost all of December. Called Mom that night, didn’t talk about trans stuff at all (except for me telling her I appreciated how hard dad and

2009.01.13: Called the prothonotary, they can’t change the date (it’s the earliest I could get with the judge), so it’s time to make plans for a February transition (eeeep!) Continued working with J at work on learning new software/programming capabilities

2009.01.14: Started getting the flu.

2009.01.15: Flu got bad, went home and slept for 11 hours.

2009.01.16: Left work early, went back and slept more.

2009.01.17: County orchestra; parents came up, I drove them the rest of the way up and sat next to in-laws. What are they thinking? I bet I confound them. My mom was happy to see me; my dad was again open, but I think he’s grieving and feels powerless to change anything. (I have to leave them to grow through the experience, it’s not my place to interfere.)

2009.01.18: Lunch with women friends after church at Eatin’ Park.

2009.01.19: Realized I was finally happy, even if I died tomorrow … my life has not been a waste; therapy appt.

2009.01.24: Met with my in-laws for lunch, it was a beautiful time; talked to my kids later that night to clarify what would happen in February; Rose’s [positive] change of heart is even more apparent.

2009.01.26: Three weeks until full-time, I need to get things in place at work.

2009.01.30: Committed to transition schedule at work with boss and HR. Preparing for take-off. Freaking out.

February 2009

2009.02.01: All day with Rose and the kids — long talks with Rose about everything, Chinese New Year buffet, and Superbowl. It was nice.

2009.02.02: Reconnected with a dear friend from college I could not find for years, he’s very very supportive (yay!).

2009.02.04:  Talked to boss about plans. Sent note to sis giving her dates.

2009.02.05: Talked to boss’s boss about plans. Management is gung-ho supportive, they’re going to handle the Dept meeting about me while I go home at 4pm on Thurs, Feb 12. Friday 13th should be interesting. Sent e-mail to mom, giving her dates. Talked to another transwoman via phone, about transition and how to handle kids.

2009.02.09: Mom wrote back saying I can call her whenever I want and she’ll go out alone with me to lunch whenever. Found out from Rose that my Dad has said I am never allowed in his house as Jen. Oh well, what’s new at this point?

2009.02.12: Last day seeing Lyd (electrologist) as a male, she’s excited to meet Jen next week. // Told one coworker directly, he drove in and asked lots of questions, that was good. // Left work at 3pm when the meeting started, spent the next two hours with my kids.

2009.02.13: Saw D for breakfast for the last time as a man. // Went to work a half day, the last time as a man. People seemed to ignore me, so I broke the ice with some, but only talked about “this” with one of them. It seems to me they’re accepted / looking-feeling it out, but the men in particular are not big on direct discussion of it… they just don’t know what to say. // Sis finally sent me a note in the morning just to say hi, she hadn’t forgotten me, and wanting to keep the door open. We never did resolve the issue, though, of names and all that. Oh well. // Drove to Ursinus to see Jenny Boylan speak, and got to talk to her on and off after a bit before going back. J from work went with me.

2009.02.14: Great day altogether… and emotionally horrific, despite the goodness. Spent the first half the day with my children, playing games, talking, and going to Friendly’s. Said goodbye to them around 5pm… and to my in-laws too. (They were almost crying.) // Rose and I got dinner, then went to a coffee shop I knew from this world, and finally sat in a parking lot, exchanging cards, crying, and saying “goodbye” to this chapter of our lives together. It broke both of our hearts; the thing is that it broke our heart because we LOVE each other so much and aren’t giving up, so it just killed us to let go of what we had for whatever it is that we are going to get in return. Cried the whole way home, and into the wee hours of the morning. My heart hurts.

2009.02.15: Woke up at 8am, turned on music, and laid in my bed until noon. // Jeanine R called and said she was sick, could I represent TransCentralPa at the celebration for the pastor at the church at which we meet (and I attend). I really wanted to be alone, but I said, “Okay” and went, and spoke fittingly, and talked to people. // Went to P’s house, to meet another post-op too. I’m finally part of the Full-Time crowd. Wow. // Got home, saw my roomie for the first time in, oh, 9-10 days?

2009.02.16: Ran numerous chores today + got my brows waxed and nails done at a small shop down the street. What a profound difference! Trying to continue cleaning up around here, but … I’m pooped. Tomorrow is the Big Day, the last thing with going full-time right now for me.

2009.02.17: OUT AT WORK. The day was…. astonishingly boring. Support did trickle in over the day. I took it in stride. Cami and Gwen sent me flowerz. // Changed membership at the gym. // Michelle bought me white chocolate mousse cheesecake.

2009.02.18: Second day at work. More support today, people were cool. Put myself out there more too. called the oil company for a delivery and the woman ma’amed me without knowing my first name. (I haven’t really called any service companies as Jen before.)

2009.03.20: I don’t know how much longer I will keep this log. I knew the day would get here. But basically, I’m doing everything I ever dreamed of. Only a few major events still remain, such as surgery, my name change hearing, seeing my kids again, having family (parents and sib) accept me if possible and see me, and… well, very few things remain. I mean, I’ve even flown across the country as Jennifer now. Just lots of “firsts” that have happened… and soon enough they’ll become run-of-mill, so….

…One more ending (except for big stuff).

2009.04.20: Talked to my sister for the first time on the phone as a woman. (She called me.)

2009.04.25:  Saw my mom for the first time as a woman, we’ll keep seeing each other.

2009.04.28:  I got a letter saying my hearing was now moved to May 21, and there was nothing I could do about it. It was disappointing, but I will survive. Three more weeks until I can start changing legal docs.

2009.05.21:  Finally. Less than 15 minutes after my hearing started, I had my documents. Got my DL updated, bank info, and Verizon… and otherwise am walking through my rather long list.

2009.05.22: Ran into my in-laws at the SSA, I couldn’t duck out either — talk about freakin’ bizarre Providence here. So that’s done, and they came back over to ask me my name, so that’s done too. At least the Uncertainty Factor is removed from that relationship.

2009.06.12: Philly TransHealth Conference. Met Kim Pearson (head of the only national org to support parents and transkids — she’s a mom of a transkid herself).

2009.07.23: I met my sister (Panera’s)for the first time as Jennifer.

2009.07.24: Had a really bad experience with a male friend who would not respect my boundaries. Taught me the necessity of learning how to say “no” very very firmly and draw boundaries early.

2009.08.08: 17th wedding anniversary. Rose told me she is making the commitment to accept this change and will call me Jennifer. (And she did.)

2009.08.30: Visited the UCC church up on Devonshire. Will visit other churches in that area coming up, since I’m moving there soon.

2009.09.04: My eldest son called me and said he wants to see me on the 19th.

2009.09.11: Went to a coffeehouse performance which many of my old church friends attended, none of them knew who I was. Talked to two of them after and remade that connection.

2009.09.12: Squared away moving plans, I’m heading back up towards where Rose and the kids live.

2009.09.13: My mom called me Jen on the phone.

2009.09.19: I met my son Faramir for the first time as a woman. It was cool.